Level Grinding Fixes Everything
by Lord Mendasuit
Summary: There is no problem that cannot be solved by leveling up enough.
1. Chapter 1

**Level Grinding Fixes Everything**

The debate on whether or not to use the cursed sword had gone on overnight.

Nobody really wanted to, but circumstances were dire.

Neptune, finally fed up with the stress of the situation, slammed her hand on the table. "Why don't we just level grind!?" she asked.

As the others rose up to counter her statement, suddenly it seemed like something had hit them and they were all paralyzed.

"I did not think of the simplest course of action," Kei admitted.

"Yes, it is tedious and boring, but it would be the most logical," Histoire agreed.

"Well... practice is generally the answer to most challenges," Mina noted, agreeing herself.

"My Vert is a master at powerleveling," Chika noted, "and given how much she does it for her MMO games..."

"Then it's decided," Histoire said. "This problem will be fixed through level grinding. For what it's worth, we do apologize to the player for forcing this course of action on them..."


	2. Chapter 2

**Level Grinding Fixes Everything**

CFW Magic was kinda bored at the Gamindustri Graveyard. She'd made plenty of fun of CFW Judge, based on the fact that Judge was crazy, but she was starting to understand why exactly he'd gone bonkers. This boredom was beyond anything she had expected.

She wondered where the CPU and their little sisters were. They had been supposed to show up as soon as the giant rat started destroying everything, but... they hadn't, and she was certainly starting to regret planning an ambush.

Until finally, after what felt like an eternity... they appeared.

"This fight will go like the last one," she said, too tired and bored to really do the whole monologue thing.

"You're aware that this is a videogame, right?" Neptune asked, smiling widely.

"Yes," Magic replied. "I'm a Hopeless Boss Fight, the kind you can't win," Magic agreed.

"Well, we know that. It's a really useful element to increase tension," Blanc said, evenly.

Vert laughed a bit. "But you forgot about the power of save-scumming."

Noire herself had a bit of a cruel smirk on her face. "And you didn't account for the determination of a player who will not accept a loss."

"So, then the reason you took so long to get here..." Magic had a startling realization then.

"We spent the last week grinding all the way to level 99 and acquiring the best gear possible," Neptune said, cracking her knuckles, a bright light heralding the appearance of Purple Heart. "I hate doing all that work... but I'm going to pay you back for every bruise you left on me."

The others followed suit, beginning to advance on Magic, who was beginning to panic.

"It's time to derail the plot," Purple Heart said.

For a moment, Magic realized just how boned she was. But then, she already had a faceful of Purple Heart fist, so it was a little hard to think much of anything."


	3. Chapter 3

**Level Grinding Fixes Everything**

"This is the remake," Histoire noted.

Histoire looked at Underling and Trick. They seemed unimpressed.

"I'm playable in this game," she said. "This is a new game plus."

They both blinked. "Oh."

"This is gonna hurt, isn't it?" Underling asked.

"Horribly," Histoire confirmed. "But don't worry. I will allow you to die in three hours."

"Being tortured by one of my cutie pies... this is bliss..."

"Can you kill him first? He's kinda creeping me out..." Underling said.


	4. Chapter 4

Baby, Newborn CPU!?

"Hold your horsebirds!" Neptune shouted, breaking Noire and Blanc out of their taunt war. "What did you just call us?"

"Newborn CPUs..?" Blanc asked, somewhat confused. After all, through the entire conversation, Neptune had kept to idle comments.

"Yeah. That. Oh, man, that's hilarious," Neptune said, grinning widely.

"W-What?! What are you going on about?" Blanc asked.

"Oh. Right. Neppy is a CPU from another world, right? You said you were born as a goddess already..."

"Yep!" Neptune said, putting her hands on her hips and nodding at her. "I was born 100% divine! So I was literally a Newborn CPU!"

"... I have to admit, that is kind of a funny coincidence," Vert noted.

Noire and Blanc just facepalmed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Level Grinding Works Against You Too**

Neptune laughed a bit nervously as the four CPUs squared off against the tag team made of Green Heart and Purple Sister. "Uhm... Guys? We might not want to do this," she said, looking at her peers and teammates.

"Enough stalling, transform already," Black Heart ordered, her voice as hammy as it ever was. She was clearly enjoying this far too much. "Your sister betrayed us, so-"

"No, no no, I have no problem fighting Nep Jr.," Neptune said, waving her hand. "I mean, it's not like we've never fought before," she added, "someone had to teach her how to actually wield a sword."

"I'm thoroughly shocked that you could get off your ass long enough to do that," White Heart said, glaring at Neptune.

"What's wrong then, Neppy?" Iris Heart asked, her curiosity piqued.

"Well... remember when I told you guys she was the protagonist of the last game? Well... I wasn't kidding," Neptune said.

"I... don't remind me," Purple Sister said, shivering a bit, remembering the last and arguably worst ending of her game.

"Well... Unlike me, she didn't slack off, so... she's still high level. As in triple digits high," Neptune said, scratching the back of her neck. "So..."

"Nonsense," Black Heart said.

"It's true," Purple Sister said. "Here, hit me," she said, opening her arms wide and allowing Black Heart a free shot.

Black Heart, naturally, took it, slashing her massive broadsword across Nepgear's torso.

It did absolutely nothing.

"That didn't even tickle," Purple Sister said, seriously.

"Oh. Oh. I get it now. We're right down fucked aren't we?" White Heart asked.

Green Heart blinked. "... Well this turned out way, way better than I expected," she admitted. "I'm glad I'm such a strategic genius."

"For what it's worth, I'm really, really sorry about this," Purple Sister said, her tone truly apologetic.

Iris Heart blinked. "Fortunately, we don't actually need to fight," she said, smiling in a way that sent shivers down everyone's spines. "The cutscene isn't over yet..."

Not for the first time, Neptune plugged her ears, covered her eyes and sang as loud as she could, trying to ignore her sister's begging for help. That way lay madness and cursed swords.


	6. Chapter 6

**Anonydeath is Not The Creepiest, Noire**

When Noire called Anonydeath the worst villain they'd ever faced, both Neptune and Nepgear cringed.

"Huh? What's with that reaction?" Noire asked.

"CFW Trick," Nepgear said, shivering a little.

"Trick," Neptune confirmed. "Eww, ew ew ew ew ew ew!"

"Why was his tongue so long!?" Nepgear nearly shouted.

"And Magic, too!" Neptune said. "I had cords and plugs in places I can never tell you or we'll get an R rating!"

"At least I was unconscious for most of that," Nepgear said.

"I wasn't!" Neptune said, shivering. "Purple Heart can never get married now..."

"I... I think I don't even want to know..." Noire muttered.


	7. Chapter 7

**The Plot Is Dumb So Let's Try Something Else**

"You know what just hit me?" Neptune asked.

"Well, obviously, we don't, because you thought of it," Noire said, "and we can't follow your thought process even at the best of times."

"And not because of their genius," Blanc added.

"I'll say, ignore them and just continue with your thought, otherwise we'll be here forever. What hit you?" Vert asked.

"This whole plot? It's undone by the fact that Uzume's supposed to be a previous CPU of Planeptune," Neptune said, scratching the back of her neck. "But the console I represent predates the one she represents, so that doesn't make any sense!"

Noire blinked. "Huh. That's a thing," she said, rubbing her chin as she mused on the implications of that. "Also, how come we're supposed to all be in the same generation? I mean, I've got at least one generation on Vert, and you and Blanc - well, you two go way back."

"Hoh, I'm the youngest, despite looking the oldest, and Blanc is our flat chested loli grandma," Vert said, laughing to herself. "How delightfully ironic."

"I swear one of these days, I'll rip those tits of yours right off and stuff them down your throat!" Blanc growled, glaring at Vert.

"Oh my, how graphic," Vert said, looking a bit flustered. "We can get away with that?"

"Well, yeah, nobody batted an eyelash when I implied I got tentacle-raped in the last chapter, so we can get away with anything," Neptune said, giving her a thumbs up. "Anyway, if anything, the antagonist of Victory II shouldn't be Uzume's dark half. It should be the one who killed the Dreamcast!"

Noire looked at the finger pointed at her. "Oh, just because I release the best selling console of all time, suddenly I'm the villain!? I'd like to remind you that this game is still exclusive to my console, and even if it hits PC, it'll take years!"

"It will come with a lot of cool remake features, though, so that's cool," Neptune said. "Anyway, are we all in agreement? Noire should totally be the villain for this game! CPU Lonely Heart, who secretly just wants friends!"

"I have friends! I have lots of friends!" Noire protested.

"Lastation Network friends don't count," Neptune said.

Blanc looked at the two bickering idiots.

As did Vert. "... Weren't we all different ages back in the third game?" she wondered.

"Yes, but that game also had Rei as the first CPU, and the console she represents definitely wasn't the first home console in the market," Blanc said, raising a finger as if giving a lecture.

"That's interesting. How did you learn that?" Vert asked.

"Research, obviously," Blanc said, proudly.

"You just watched an Angry Nerd video on Neptube, didn't you?"

Blanc blushed in embarrasment.

"Well, I guess it counts?" Vert asked, more than she said, shrugging. "Anyway... I'm going to go find Nepgear and do unspeakable things to her, abusing the fact that we're M-rated."

"Should I tell Neptune?" Blanc asked. "That could be hilarious."

Vert hummed. "Yes, but only when it's too late to stop me from breaking Nepgear's mind until she's my obedient little sister."

"Wow, that's dark," Blanc said.

"I know, but the series has been getting darker as of late," Vert said, shrugging. "Good bye."

Blanc waved at her as she left.

By the time she looked back at where Neptune and Noire were fighting, the clothes had already come off, and Noire was trying to strangle Neptune.

At that point, Blanc dearly wished she had some popcorn. And some cheesy porno music to set the mood.


	8. Chapter 8

**There Is No Victory, Only NEPTUNE!**

* * *

Purple Heart realized she could not win.

It was not a very difficult realization to come to. One of them. Two of them even. That she could deal with and even achieve victory. It was not arrogant of her to say that she was the strongest of the CPU. It was merely a fact. They understood, as well, and that was why, she guessed, they'd turned on her. After all, if it was down to her and someone else, everyone knew she would win.

The power of the Main Character was with her, after all.

But there was one other status that she had right now, besides being the Main Character of the story.

As she faced off against the three Current Hardware goddesses, Purple Heart smirked. "Heh. I can't believe I have to resort to this."

Black Heart clicked her tongue. "You talk too much," she said, conveniently ignoring her own predilection to banter.

"What're you gonna do now? Run? We're not going to just let you get away, you know," Green Heart said, as she moved away from Black Heart, clearly preparing a flanking maneuver.

White Heart narrowed her eyes. "You got a plan, don't you bitch?" she asked.

"Indeed," Purple Heart said. "You know I'm the Main Character, right?" she asked.

"As if you didn't boast enough about that regularly," Black Heart said, scoffing. "Well this is your hopeless boss fight, then," she said.

"Hold on, Noire," Green Heart said, her tone lowering as she realized that Purple Heart was being way too confident for the situation at hand. "What are you planning..?"

White Heart curled her upper lip in an ugly snarl, "whatever it is, I'll stop it right here!"

"Well, this is a cutscene, so I'm limited to my own skill and ability," Purple Heart said, raising her hands. "And I can lose to you three, but..."

"But what? Speak up!" White Heart shouted.

"The Player," Purple Heart said, simply. "The Player can't lose."

"... What... what are you planning?" Green Heart asked, as realization dawned upon her. "No, you don't mean-"

"I'm turning control over," Purple Heart said. "Even if you were to have an ability to win that fight... The Player can just savescum time and again until we achieve Victory."

"Dammit, this is bullshit!" White Heart shouted.

"Yeah! That's totally unfair!" Black Heart cried, as she realized that they were basically set up for an unwinnable situation. Even if they won, the player would just reload an earlier save and try again and again and again.

"Well, so is teaming up on me. So this is your just desserts!" Purple Heart crowed in victorious triumph as she surrendered control of her body to the player.

And then asses were kicked.

Because even the most grindy of stones has to yield in the face of the almighty power of the Save Scum.


End file.
